don't mind me hehe

Discussion in 'Ruang Curhat' started by teshatry17, 7 October 2018.

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  1. teshatry17

    teshatry17 Member

    i supposed to be grateful no matter how hard my life is. it’s just i really hate growing up. since turning 18 i lost my dream. i don’t know what to do in the future. i lost my passion. i hate the fact that each of my friends have goals, have ideal job after their graduation. this lonely feeling keep coming everytime i’m surrounded by them. they care about me. they do. it’s just me who can not be open to them. i have no courage to face them, to hear their ambitious plans, to see bright eyes everytime they talk about their dream. it feels like, i am the only person that keep slowing down day after day. it feels like, i am the only useless person on earth. i’ve never wanted to be this kind of human. no. i want my life to be meaningful. but… it’s getting hard.

    it’s just so… hard…

    i want to be helped. i want to be heard. but the demon inside me keep saying that i can’t trust them who give their hand. i really, really, want to be helped. i don’t want to be left alone. i am trying to ask for help… but… the world seems like too busy to listen to me. and if it so, i am not angry to them. i know, they have dream and don’t want to be distracted by unimportant person like me. no, i am not dissappointed. if one day i being left alone, i wouldn’t be angry. because i know it’s all my fault. the problem is in me. my friends are always nice. i don’t want to disturb them. i am not important. i know.

    i hate being weak. i hate myself who keeps crying. and i hate me; who always pretend to be happy in front of people; who hide tears behind fake smile; who acts like nothing wrong happened, like everything is fine.

    i am scared. i am scared. and i am so sorry for writing this. i am sorry i can’t be strong enough. i am sorry.
  2. Reika

    Reika Member

    Your thread just says don't mind me but when i read it, it's exactly what i always feel. All of it.
    I thought there's nobody that always thinking like that in the world except me.

    Friend, this is super hard for us.

    I understand you, you wanted to be helped but you afraid to disturb them. I know that feeling.
    Yes, you're right, the problem is in us.
    I hate myself too, i want to be like that, being like someone who is so ambitious with sparkling eyes when talking about their dreams, but i can't.
    You know, it's like drowning in myself everyday. Wake up not in the morning, but already afternoon and asking to myself "why i am like this? i have to be a better person" but the next day i'm doing the same...over and over

    I want to tell you, the one who can help you is yourself, but me too until now i can't help myself for being such a weak, useless, negative-thinking, lazy-ass person. This is so stupid.
    Thank you for writing your thread...i'm sorry i can't help you..
    teshatry17 likes this.
  3. Lilin Ketcil

    Lilin Ketcil New Member

    dont be sorry honey .. aku rasa itu gunanya web ini kok ..
    kadang kita gak di komentari ato gak di kasi solusi juga gak apa apa .. krn sebenernya kita cuma pengin nulis apa yg kita rasain tanpa orang tau siapa kita dan dimana kita dan kaya apa kita sebenarnya ..
    walopun pas disini justru mlah jadi sebener benernya kita sihh mengingat semuanya yg disini anonim hihihi ..
    tetep semangat yaahh~
    teshatry17 likes this.

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