Hello semua. Okay, I am in a position where I could not confess my feelings to him. First, is because we both already agreed that if we were meant to be, then we will. Second, we know we both has feeling for each other, however refer to first. Third, we are too scared to start the relationship because of previous loved ( the guy could not trust woman because of his first love) Fourth, people surrounding are now creating rumors about us being together which made us awkward and he indirectly decided to stay away from me. ( I feel sad, even though he did not said that he would stay away from me but his action speaks louder) I feel that I am being unwanted. Fifth, how could we overcome this? Refer to fourth, can I just ignore him?
well I can't. Because we already know that we have feelings. Also, we both agree that " kalau ada jodoh, then we will be together" If i force myself desperately confessing, as if i broke the agreement of ada jodoh, we both nikah. It would not be cool, moreover I am a woman. Daaaa On the other hand, your situation is different. You should confess unless you create an agreement like us, ada jodoh, kita nikah.
emang susah sih kalo belum siap jalin hubungan baru karena masih trauma dengan hubungan sebelumnya, bisa dibilang bahwa cowo itu belum bisa move on menurut saya yang dia lakuin itu udah bener, dia takut kalian berdua terluka kalo hubungan ini dipaksain. karena kalo salah satu belum siap dan lalu hubungan ternyata ga berjalan mulus, kalian akan berakhir dengan saling membenci atau minimal jadi awkward coba komunikasiin perasaan kamu sekali lagi, ini cuma confess, bukan "ngelamar" dia. kalo dia tetep keukeuh seudah kamu keluarin isi hati kamu, ya udah, mulai biasakan diri untuk bisa jalanin hidup tanpa dia lagi, seperti saat kamu belum kenal dia ini cuma masalah kebiasaan, kamu udah terbiasa libatin dia dalam aspek kehidupan kamu, makanya kamu merasa ada yang hilang kalo dia ga ada di sekitar kamu. permasalahannya itu belum terbiasa, bukan ga bisa
So I guess you are in a position where confession is no longer needed. Idk what happen in the past but generalizing is a sign that someone is not mature enough to build relationship. There's a huge difference between learning and exaggerating past experiences. Does he have any particular reason why he cares about rumors that much? (e.g. he has children that he needs to protect from rumors, or he's in a middle of difficult divorce, his job doesn't allow him to have spouse, etc). If this is the case, then respect him by putting yourself in friendship zone first and if possible, ask whoever started those rumor to stop bcoz it might hurt someone or make situation more complicated. BUT if he doesn't have the situation I stated above, then probably he's not sure about his feeling about you or there is someone else he loves. The worst scenario is that he's a drama 'king' which I hope he's not bcoz it's way too exhausting to deal with men like them. It depends on your goal. If you really love him to the point you want to be his wife (despite his trauma and his current status/situation) then put more effort in your relationship. Such agreement imo is not necessary; well I hope I'm wrong but I think it's more like a tool to keep you close while he can freely roam to see in case there are better 'options'. Perhaps you want to follow your instinct rather than your heart, whether he's the right person for you or he's just playing games with you. If I were you, I would leave him. I won't let my heart and my future rely on someone who makes me feel unwanted. But you know him more than us, so I hope you find what you seek and good luck.
Is it? Dia belum move on? This is what I am really scared off. Iya bukan ngelamar tapi I am too scared to confess. But then, I will try. Not now, nanti when I am fully ready. Thank you for your advise bro. Appreciated it.
lebih tepatnya dia belum bisa move on dari keparnoannya atas kegagalan hubungan sebelomnya (si pacar ga bisa dipercaya), sedangkan kepercayaan ini big issue dalam satu hubungan. jadi saat ini dia masih trauma dengan yang terjadi di hubungan sebelumnya, dia takut kalo sampe kalian jadian sementara dia belum "sembuh", hubungan kalian ga akan berjalan baik jadi kalo mau dapetin kepercayaan dia, lakukan dengan perbuatan, bukan omongan semata, karena itu hal paling gampang (omong doang), anak sd pun bisa. saya yakin kalo yang kamu lakukan buat nunjukin bahwa kamu bisa dipercaya dengan tulus, bakal nyampe ke hati dia. karena yang berasal dari hati bakal nyampe ke hati juga tanpa perlu banyak bicara good luck
Nope, He's not married. I don't think so his occupation is the problem. He works in oil and gas industry where he require to go offshore though -__- We knew who made the rumours but we could not stop them from exaggerating the rumours. But things are getting okay now. I doubted he got someone he loves. If he does have, it would make me so sad.
To be his wife? Hmm I'll think about it when it is time. For now, I just want him to be with me. To trust me that I am not like his ex. I'll make sure he does not "use" me. If he used me, then I'll know what to do.
I am 25 and he is 28, we are still young. Don't you think that we can still make thing work? hehe. Actually, things are better now. We are in the process knowing each other . I miss him right as he's now offshore for a week. Anyhow, Thank you Reiha for your advised. It did made me think further.
Thanks beawy. Things are better now. Yeap, action speaks louder than talking. Haha ' anak sd pun bisa' Beawy kids can't do love. hahaha. Right now, I am trying to win his trust. May Allah ease him and me. Thank you beawy, your advised was straight forward and honest but I like it.
salah. jaman sekarang anak SD udah bisa kok cinta2an, malah bisa mami papi an, tinggal babi2an aja yang belon iya sama2, senang bisa membantu
Average people can be mature and immature depends on their emotional state when something bad happen. It's normal to be hurt after a traumatic event and people have different capacity to deal with it. Mature people believe in "what doesn't kill you make you stronger" and in times they understand how to handle the situation when similar problem occur. That's why they won't hesitate to try again (in our case, relationship). On the other hand, immature people tends to jump into shallow conclusion (including generalization) and they avoid the problem so they don't have to deal with the same situation again. Even if I was right about your bf, which I hope I'm not, there's always a way to make your relationship work. My opinion here are based on my own rule to keep my life simple because I have very limited energy to deal w/ interpersonal issues. Of course it's not always right, some might say I'm too plain or boring. If you want to enrich your love life, then do it. If you want to win his heart, then fight for it. I'm happy to hear that things are going better. Have a great weekend.
